


Say The Word (And Let Me Go)

by lichtenstrange



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: A Kingdom of Isa-lation, Angst, M/M, post kh3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-29
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:20:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22462495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lichtenstrange/pseuds/lichtenstrange
Summary: Once the battle is over and everyone returns and reunites, one of them can't see themselves as part of the pictureOrIsa hides away and Lea catches him
Relationships: Axel/Saïx (Kingdom Hearts), Isa/Lea (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 128





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The people were yearning for AkuSai Angst  
> I supplied it  
> Bon Appetit

Lea is there when Isa wakes up. He made a path there as fast as he could to be there when he wakes up. And he does, he's there for Isa. The kids wait outside the castle though. Yeah they were sad hearing Saïx’s dying confessions, and learn from Dilan and Aeleus that he had been the one to organise their return to be with Lea, but maybe this is something they still need time to deal with.

So Lea is in there and there's some emotions shared between the two, vitals checked to make sure he is actually okay outside of emotional situation. But then they have to leave the castle eventually. That means confronting the kids. Isa's not all about that right away. He doesn't say anything to Lea, but he's very visibly scared and hesitant. He definitely didn't plan beyond being destroyed. So out they go, Isa following behind Lea.

Out the gates, Lea is excited because now he has everyone back like he said he would. He's chatting away to Isa when he sees the kids, calling them over all pumped to have them (hopefully) get along now, after some apologies first of course. Though he is a little confused as to why the kids are pulling odd faces.

"Where is he?"

"Huh?"

That’s when Lea turns and realises Isa is _not_ behind him. Thus starts him calling out and looking for Isa, going back into the castle, and eventually others join to look for him. But he's just watching from the shadows, not quite listening to mutterings he can hear, and proceeds to disregard the idea of forgiveness. Isa decides he's not going to be an acceptable part of the picture. So off he goes into the outskirts of Radiant Garden, and that's where he stays.

He knows the others don't leave the castle often, and has their routines memorised. He's not too worried about going in to town for things because Lea isn't there and the Restoration Committee don't know him. Lea, on the other hand, is absolutely distraught. He spent about three and a half days with no sleep searching Radiant Garden for Isa, but didn't have any luck. One thing he knows is when Isa wants to hide he can become invisible. In the shadows, in the cracks, hidden away and unnoticeable. He is nothing but a mopey mess when the kids drag him back to Twilight Town. They had decided to stay there and see if it felt right. If not, then they'd try Radiant Garden.

Once they got home, the kids spoke about Isa's plan with Vexen and Demyx to bring them back. Turns out Lea didn't know, and now it just adds another layer of distress. Now he realises that Isa never intended for his own return.

Isa manages to stay hidden for quite a while, 2 months and counting. He's set up his house in a simple manner, small garden with a little veggie patch in the middle. There were a couple of close calls when he was in town and caught sight of familiar faces every now and then. Which is all well and good, until one outing into town and it starts to rain. It’s an absolute downpour. Everyone's seeking shelter under sails, storefronts, running back home. He's hiding out under a storefront, holding some fruits close to his chest and deciding if he can brave the torrential rain back home. He doesn't particularly want to be there (or anywhere really) so he bites the bullet and makes a run for it through the rain.

What he _hasn’t_ noticed was the three visitors who were coming to Radiant Garden to help take out an enemy who happened to be the one responsible for this turn of the weather. Unfortunately, he's not quick enough to not be noticed. Lea just catches a glimpse of someone with soaked blue hair running toward the outskirts of town. He could recognise that figure anywhere. Enemy be damned, the kids have it under control (they are the old hands after all).

He's running full speed, chasing after the figure. Isa hadn't realised Lea was there, so he calls out. He's quite a fair distance, but Isa stops when he hears his name.

 _That can’t be, could it?_ Isa thinks to himself.

So of course he looks, and running towards him is Lea.

Panic. Sheer panic hits, and he bolts. He's gotta shake him off his trail, can't let him find his home. Unfortunately they both know that's not going to happen. Lea knows his movements too well when on his trail and keeps up with Isa's rapid darting. He knows Isa's not going to just stop because there isn't anywhere to hide, especially in this rain.

The rain has not let up one bit. And because of this, Isa slips and hits the ground, dropping everything he was holding. Right now he doesn't care, he just needs to go. Lea's already caught up some ground between them and sees Isa drop, calling out again hoping he'll stop. Nope.One thing with being an assassin, he can see a target's path if he knows the area. He uses that to his advantage, stopping to gather Isa's items before following. He's closed the distance a fair bit, he can still catch up.

And he does. He remembers this old house; he and Isa used to make up stories for it as kids. But now it has a garden and new paint. And Isa, running up the front path. He calls out again, noticing the limp in Isa's stride. Before he can even make it to the door, all Isa can hear through the rain is a loud and desperate

"STOP!"

He's tired, he's breathless, he's in pain, and soaked, and just had _enough_. He does stop. In the middle of the garden he hid himself away in for all these past weeks. In the never-ending rain. And he can't hold it in anymore. He's definitely found it hard dealing with all his emotions now that they're back in full force. Especially considering he's not been able to feel anything positive. Happiness was gone. It was in Twilight Town, last he'd overheard.

All he lived with was guilt and sadness and fear. He may have been soaked from the rain already, but that didn't mean the tears went unfelt, unnoticed. It was the soft

"Isa."

he heard directly behind him that opened the floodgates. He really gives up when he turns to face Lea, who is equally as soaked in the rain. And... holding his stuff. Of course he's holding the stuff Isa dropped. Of course! And he's just...

Standing there.

With those damn soggy puppy eyes he used to have when they were kids. Isa had his fair share of breakdowns the past couple of months in his solitude, so it really doesn't surprise him when he loses all composure. What a sight, he thinks to himself. A grown man standing out in the rain sobbing in front of his childhood friend after running from him. And then there's Lea, who he knows isn't judging him. No, he's the one to respond with arms around him. As always when overwhelmed. To say it's the first moment of actual warmth is an understatement.

Eventually they get inside the house and get towels to attempt to dry off. And not too long after, Lea is wrangling Isa onto a chair to check his ankle after that fall. Isa's shivering, I mean that's what happens when you're soaked to the bone from the rain. And of course Lea notices. Good thing he has his elemental ability. As he's healing up Isa's ankle, Lea lets both the cure magic and extra warmth radiate from his touch. Isa can feel it spread over, removing that deeply settled chill in his body. He wants to feel at ease too, but he just can't.

What is he going to do now? He'll have to run and hide as soon as possible. Maybe stow away and jump to another world. Unfortunately Lea has decided he's not letting Isa out of his sight now. He's got a grip on him and does not want to let go. He wants answers, needs to know _why_.

Was it deep inset jealousy or was it pure fear that drove him to hiding away?

"Why did you run?"

"Why did you chase?"

...

"Why did you leave me?"

"Why did you want me?"

Whatever conversation they were meant to be having ended up nothing but a circle of questions. Why? Why Why Why? Eventually the cycle is broken when Lea confronts something that's been on his mind for a while.

"You brought them back. Why?"

"..."

"Isa. You brought Roxas and Xion back. Why did you do that. I'm not leaving without an answer."

"..."

He can't look Lea in the eyes, he's only just managed to regain a small level of composure.

"Please?"

"... I was sorry." He confesses everything. He confesses his jealousy again. He confesses his guilt of his mistreatment towards the children. He confesses his guilt of making Lea suffer.

"I had to atone. To them and to you. This seemed the logical choice."

"Logical choice?"

"The RIGHT choice. They had a life ahead of them outside of the organisation. You had a life ahead of you. I was doomed from the start. After seeing you in the throne room when we had Sora, I knew I had to do something."

He goes through everything, from reading Vexen's reports, to his own journal, to Axel's journal, reading about Xion whilst figuring out how to bring back Roxas. How he was trying to keep it hidden from the part of Xehanort inside himself. Recruiting Even and Demyx to fly under the radar for him as he stood beside Master Xehanort.

"At one point I laid out the entire plan of retrieving Vexen and bringing Xion back to them and they took it. But I didn't know if I could really get her back. Even said she needs a connection to regain her-- former self. And I knew that couldn't possibly happen without you or Sora or even Roxas. At that point in the Keyblade Graveyard I was just hoping for a miracle."

And he kept talking, how he was stuck in berserk watching Xemnas mow them all down, hearing Lea tell him to wake up. By that point there's more tears running down his face, and he's still not looking at Lea who’s still holding Isa's ankle, continuously sending waves of warmth.

"I never planned to make it out of that battle alive. I figured I'd be lost to oblivion."

"But you weren't."

"No. I wasn't."

"So why did you run? Why did you leave? You could've come home with us."

"What is home, Lea? I can't be a part of your picture perfect life. I don't want to be there as a constant reminder to Roxas and Xion."

"You wouldn't be."

"Yes, I would. It's not like I came back without this wretched scar on my face."

"Isa, they wanted to actually meet you. To get to know you. I'm absolutely certain I've driven them nuts by doing nothing but talk to them about you. Who you were."

"Lea, stop."

"No. I don't think you realise just how much these past two months have hurt."

"I have an idea."

"Then please come home with me."

"I can't."

"Bullshit you can't!"

"STOP!"

It wasn't so much Isa shouting that startled Lea, more so the pained desperation in this voice.

"Just stop, please. Let me go. I'm just a remnant from the past. A past long gone, a past we lost as children. Let me leave and live with my scars in as much peace as I can have. I'm haunted, Lea. I'm not going to be a ghost of the past to you and them."

Isa finally looked at Lea and all that could be seen in this ocean eyes was despair and pain. Sure Lea was suffering not having Isa with him and worried about where he went, but Isa was suffering himself and his past. And that had to be so much more worse. Lea has felt small moments like that thinking back on his time when he was ruthless as Axel, but what Saïx had become was terrifying in respects that it was small inner manipulations. Axel would manipulate and straight up cut people down, but Saïx would tear someone down piece by piece from the inside.

And he could see it right there, tearing Isa apart. It wasn’t Lea that made him sad, it wasn’t jealousy of Lea’s friendship with Roxas and Xion, it really was his own actions that tormented Isa.

“Remember that show we used to watch as kids?”

“What?”

“When we were kids, there was this show we loved to watch, and they would hunt monsters. We would pretend that we hunted monsters too.”

“Lea.”

“Turns out monsters are real. Yeah maybe we were the monsters at one point, but I remember this one episode where there was a monster they were hunting. Turns out it was nice. It didn’t want to hurt anyone, and just live in peace.”

“Are you saying I’m a nice monster?”

“No, maybe when you were stuck with old man Nort the second time though. But I think this time I gotta fight the monster that’s stuck in your thoughts.”

“We’re not kids anymore.”

“And monsters aren’t just stories anymore, either. And I fight them all the time. This is just a different kind of monster.”

Isa really doesn’t know what to do at this point, so he just sits there silently as Lea continues to heal him. And they stay that way for a little while. Soon enough the rain stops and Lea’s phone goes off. Sure enough, Roxas and Xion have defeated the heartless that was causing it. He tells them to head home, that he found Isa and will hopefully return home soon (with company). The excited ‘!!!!!’ message in response makes him smile.

“I think my foot is fine now. You better get home.”

“Yeah but I’m not going to.”

And that’s how Lea ended up making hot drinks for the two of them, forcing Isa to sit on the sofa and try to relax (the man has never been relaxed since they were teenagers). Isa stayed quiet, watching as Lea looked around his little house. There was no personalisation. No trinkets, no pictures, a couple of basic books. It was empty and lonely. No wonder Isa’s been such a mess. There’s no _life_ here.

“You’re not happy here, Isa.”

“I’m fine.”

“But you’re not happy.”

“...”

“You should be happy.”

“I don’t know if I can be happy.”

“Sure you can! What’s something that makes you happy.”

And boy isn’t _that_ a can of worms! There are definitely things that make him happy, if only temporarily. Working the little garden calms him. A walk is soothing. But what would really make him happy is currently pacing around in his house, still a little soggy. Which doesn’t make sense. He can be a walking space heater whenever he wanted to be. Isa has a feeling he was more concerned with warming Isa up and drying out the chill from his bones rather than his own.

“Does it matter?”

“Of course it matters.”

“No. All that matters to me is that you and Roxas and Xion are happy and can live your lives. That’s it. I don’t need to be there to see it. I’m not a part of it.”

“What if we wanted you _to_ be a part of it though?”

Lea stopped pacing and sat beside Isa on the sofa, quite close to him in fact.

“I want you to be in our lives. My life. You always have been. Why stop now?”

“Just because I was a part of your life for so long doesn’t mean it was good.”

“But it was. Yeah, we had problems in the later part. But that’s just life. We were stuck in a shitty situation. But now we’re not. We’re free of it. Free to live. Do you really want to live sad and alone?”

No. No he didn’t. He wanted to be with Lea, whether in Radiant Garden or Twilight Town or wherever they ended up. It’s not that he didn’t want to get along with the kids, he was just scared. He accepted that they would never forgive him, never want to see him or tolerate him (god knows he sure wouldn’t). But he was just dreaming. He wasn’t going to have a nice peaceful life with happiness. He didn’t deserve one. He was doomed from day one and that was that. It was a tragic cycle of depressing thoughts and he was trapped.

He hadn’t noticed Lea taking the mug out of his hands and holding them in his. Realising it though, he noticed that his hands were shaking. Oh. Shaking hands. And tears. Again. Crying ended up being pretty routine for him these days, but that didn’t mean it was any better now.

Vulnerable. That’s it. He was vulnerable right now. No defense, no facade to hide behind. No dark corridor to flee through.

“You need to talk to me, Isa. You’re not okay.”

“I’m not.”

“What’s going on? Are you really just isolating yourself as some form of self punishment?”

He didn’t want to say it, acknowledge it. He nodded.

“Oh, Isa.”

“Remember that story when we were little? Of the rabbit who sacrificed himself to the wolf to save his friends?”

“Yeah. You loved that story.”

“I was the wolf.”

“What?”

“I was the wolf. I was a threat, tried to consume power. I was a monster and you all suffered.”

“No.”

Lea knew this story well.

“You were the rabbit, Isa. You sacrificed yourself to Xehanort to save me, and then save Roxas and Xion.”

And it broke him. Broke them both, but it especially broke Isa. He couldn’t hold on anymore, and let out a small sob. Instinct had Lea wrapping his arms around him, holding Isa tight.

"Hey, remember in the organisation when we were given these boosters for our gear? And they changed form?"

Isa nodded.

"I know you didn't use it. You saw what it was and thought it was ridiculous, so you refused to use it."

"Don't."

"Isa, that was such an important moment. And you need to accept it."

Oh he knew exactly what Lea was talking about. These stupid weapons. His always sucked the energy from him, especially during berserk moments. He hated it. And that ridiculous form it took? He figured it was some kind of sick joke, meant to put him in his place.

"If you needed any more proof of who you REALLY are? It's that claymore form."

"How did you see it?"

He had hidden away from the others, standing by the large window in the space he used when a berserk came on. No one ever knew what form his claymore took. Well, that's what he had thought.

"I went to find you to show you mine. Saw you freak out over it and I didn't want to get involved in case you berserked."

And he did. And it was bad. One of the worst berserks he'd ever had. The overwhelming shadows of emotion had hit so hard he had no choice over the reaction. All he remembers was seeing the weapon, entering berserk state, eventually breaking out of it, and that was it. He blacked out. If Axel was there then that explains how he ended up in his room, papers on the desk tidied up and filed away. He doesn’t want to think about it.

“I don’t know how much more proof you need, Isa. But it’s all there.”

“Are you happy?”

“Huh?”

“Are you happy, Lea? Living in Twilight Town with them.”

“Well, yeah. Of course I am.”

“Right.” Deep breath. “You’re happy as it is. You can live perfectly fine without me in your life. Now leave.”

“Isa!”

“I’ll be gone by morning. Don’t look for me. Go home to your family and live.”

“If you think I’m letting you out of my sight you have another thing coming.” Granted he’d seen some tears from Lea earlier, Isa noticed he hadn’t actually cried once. He knew Lea, and he knew that this was highly unusual.

“I’d say stop crying and accept it but you’re not even crying. You’ve finally grown up, and now you need to face reality. I’m not coming with you to Twilight Town, you’re not coming here to Radiant Garden. Our story ended a long time ago.”

“You want to know why I’m not being a crybaby?”

No, because chances are Isa will keep crying.

“I spent days crying when you vanished. I was a mess. You ask the others, it was bad. And that’s just from you leaving. What kind of state do you think I would be in if you hadn’t even come back?”

They’d reached a point where neither would back down. Lea was determined to drag him home, Isa digging his heels in ready to run the other way. Lea should respect Isa’s decision, but knowing it was purely self destructive rather than a simple adult making a choice, he was going to follow wherever Isa went. And he’s going to make sure he knows.

“If you run, I will chase you. I mean, I thought I was the one with the bad ideas. But this is the worst one between us yet, Isa. So I will follow you, no matter how fast you run, how far you go. I will follow you to the ends of the worlds, through the vast cosmos. I will use Sora’s method of the Power of Waking if that gets me to you. If I have to travel the Final World, I will.”

“Why?”

“Why? Why not!”

“I’m not important, I’m nothing. I’m just a ghost from the past-”

“Alight, looks like I’m doing it this way.”

It’s not exactly how Lea really planned _this_ conversation to go, but right now it was one of his last straws to grasp at. He needed Isa to understand. Lea often got a bad wrap for having questionable brain cells, but it was fairly even between the two of them if he were honest. Sure enough it shut Isa up. Well to be fair, having someone smash their face into yours would do that.

Isa certainly wasn’t expecting it. And it would be the biggest lie of his life if he said he’d never wanted this. He felt the softness of Lea’s lips, and all the emotion pouring from them. He wouldn’t say he melted into the kiss, but maybe he did give in. Why hadn’t he been happy for the past two months? This. It was hard enough being away from the closest person in his life, but that Lea shaped hole in his newly recovered heart had always wanted so much more. And he showed him that. For all that Lea was putting into the kiss, Isa reciprocated just as much.

He needed Lea to know just how much it hurt, all those years watching as they drifted apart, as he slowly became closer to the kids, how much it was like looking into their past. He missed the simpler times so much. Hm. He thought kissing Lea would taste like sea salt ice cream. It was sweet, yes, but it was more like cinnamon. A pleasant burn.

For Lea, it was better than anything he could have expected. He thought Isa’s lips would be soft and cold, but they were rough and chapped and so warm. Salty. Lea lifted a hand to Isa’s face, gently feeling the trail of tears as they dropped. He would gladly take those tears away if they meant Isa was in pain. They’d suffered enough.

They looked each other in the eyes once they broke apart, both emerald green and ocean teal shining with unshed tears.

“Do you understand now, Isa?”

Oh, he understood. He understood it well. He nodded.

"Please. Come home with me."

Yes. Please.

"No. You need to let go of the past, and move on."

"Alright. I'll let go of the past." Lea heaves a deep sigh. He'd wanted to get these things off his chest with Isa for a long time. The kids listened when he spoke, now he hoped Isa would listen too.

"You spoke about your jealousy, your lust for power, the quest to find her and how in the end you became something you hated. So did I. And I am so sorry."

"What?"

"You say you became a monster. I did too."

"No, you didn't. I don't think you truly lost your heart."

"Say that to Vexen and Zexion. To Xion when I dragged her back multiple times. Roxas when I lied to his face and concealed truths. You, when I left you high and dry in Xehanort's grasp." And it was true. Those actions as Axel used to torment him so much when he regained life again as Lea.

"But I asked of you most of these actions."

"I didn't have to do them though, did I? You didn't ask me to take out those two at Castle Oblivion. I lied to Roxas and hurt Xion because I was selfish. I lost you because I was upset."

How he didn't click when Isa truly started changing into Saïx all those years ago haunted him. The eyes, the ears. Seeing him after coming back, in that throne room holding Sora and clashing weapons, it was so clear he had lost Isa completely. The blank look on his face. Lea felt that freshly reborn heart drop to his stomach.

"Why did you go back? Did I drive you away that much?"

"I didn't."

When Isa awoke, he was lost. A desert like world with large rock formations, a world he didn't recognise. And a pain in his chest. And there to greet him was Xigbar.

"I still didn't have a heart. Like I said, I was doomed from the start. My fate was to always be a shell, even beyond 'death'. No heart, gold eyes, pointed ears, loneliness. It was no different to before. Until I saw you were alive and okay. You didn't drive me away. I drove you away."

"We've both done horrible things, to others and each other. I've said my piece to those I hurt. Come with me and say your part. Repair your heart, Isa. Please?"

Could he do it? Can he bring himself to confront those he hurt and wronged for all those years? Granted it would be nice to have an apology from the Apprentices who got everyone in this mess in the first place. But Lea was right: this was the step he needed to try and find peace. _He'd_ done it and found calm, so maybe Isa had a chance?

"I'm scared, Lea."

"That they won't listen?"

"That they will. And they'll forgive me. And want to let me into their hearts and lives."

"I already have. What's a few more, huh?"

"You're doing it out of obligation."

Lea laughed.

"I'm pretty sure that kiss was out of longing desire than obligation!"

Isa looked to Lea, actually looking into his eyes to find his answer to a stupid question.

"Really?"

"Well unless I imagined you kissing me back just as intensely, I'd say you felt exactly the same way I did about it."

"..."

"Yeah okay, now you're blushing I _know_ I'm right."

"Shut up."

Listening to Lea laugh, oh he missed it. Oh how he had longed to hear that sound again. That loud, brash, exuberant man. Isa could feel his heart caving in.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"I'll come with you. I'll see them."

"Alright."

"But I'm not staying."

"It's okay. Small steps."

"What if I run?"

"I'll stay."

"Stay?"

"With you."

"Stay with me?"

"Stay with you."

"Here. In this house, in Radiant Garden."

"If that's what it takes."

"To?"

"To be with you. To have you in my life, however you chose us to be."

A choice. A choice that Isa thought he could never have, that was always taken away from him by others. A choice that sat right there in front of him, waiting for his call to make. He should be running scared. He should be leaving everything behind and hiding. The flight or fight response. He always fled and Lea always fought. But Lea wasn't fighting anymore, so by that logic Isa shouldn't flee either. Right?

"You don't have to run anymore."

That soft hand on his cheek again, and Lea's damned ability to read his face still there. It was almost involuntary, like a subconscious movement, leaning forward and resting his forehead against Lea's. He closed his eyes and allowed serenity to pass over him. For the first time in so long, he felt calm. _Now_ he felt at ease.

"Stay. For the night. Please?"

"Of course."

And there he stayed, holding the final piece of his heart in his arms. The missing piece to Lea's family. The missing piece to Isa's life.


	2. To Confront (The Ghosts of the Past)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isa takes a step towards healing, both himself and those he wronged.
> 
> Or
> 
> Isa apologises and Xion and Roxas listen and reply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops :)

“You are going to be fine, Isa.”

“Not if you keep coddling me.”

Waiting at the train station in Twilight Town had Isa on edge. It took a couple of days for Lea to convince him to come and see the town, talk to Roxas and Xion. He wouldn’t admit it, but Isa went through what to say to the two when they finally confronted him a fair few times. Almost like a rehearsal. At one point it reminded him of a moment back when they were briefly apprentices and he practiced saying something in the mirror. He can’t remember what it was but the general memory was still there.

“Yeah, yeah. Can you blame me, though?”

Lea stayed with him that night he found Isa, and a few more after then. He meant what he said about keeping a close watch over him for sure. Helping tend to the garden, going on a walk together, visiting the city center. It also gave them a chance to talk about  _ them _ .

_ “Do you want this, Isa?” _

_ “Yes. Do you?” _

_ “More than anything.” _

_ “You sure?” _

_ “Was I or was I not the one who jumped first?” _

_ “You did always jump first assess later.” _

_ “Hey!” _

Nerves. Hands shaking. Uneven breaths. Can he do this? He can do this. He can. He can? Yeah, he can.

“Hey! Roxas! Xion!” Lea waved to approaching figures behind Isa, a big smile on his face. Isa couldn’t help but feel a pang in his chest seeing it. Yeah he’s seen Lea smile at him, but this kind of joyful expression? The last time he saw that look aimed at him was back when they were reckless teenagers.

“Helloooo? Isa?”

“Huh?”

“You alright?”

A hand waving slowly in front of his face. Isa was so caught up in his thoughts he hadn’t even noticed Lea talking to him.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

He looked behind himself toward the arch where the two kids were approaching from. Isa had only seen blurred photos of Roxas out of the coat when he was trapped in the Twilight Town simulation. And Xion… Well, he never really saw her at all, let alone in clothes other than that damn coat.

It was strange. And confronting.

“Hey Axel!” Xion’s voice rang through the air, clearly and sweetly.

This really was going to be harder than he’d thought it would be.

“Planning on running off on us again and leaving us to deal with the chores, huh?”

“Oh ha ha, very funny Roxas. You make it sound like I do that all the time!”

“You do!”

“Do not!”

Axel? They still call him Axel? Oh. So that means…

“Isa?”

Startled again out of his thoughts by Lea, seeing him kneeling in front of him looking at him with concern. And looking up he saw the other two looking to him with almost the same level of concern. Instinctively he shifted and nestled a bit more into his jacket collar. He liked this jacket and how he could hide himself away.

Suddenly those rehearsals in his mind were useless. He could watch as they floated away from him like loose pages out a window.

“Roxas, Xion; I want you to meet Isa.”

Lea moved to sit next to Isa, leaving open space between the three. Introductions. Introductions were good. Do they need them, though? There was a hand in front of him.

“Hi.”

Today was just a series of being lost in his thoughts.

He looked from the hand to Roxas, standing there with a casual smile on his face.

_ Take the hand, staring is rude. _

“Hello.” A confident and firm handshake is good for interactions. It builds one’s perception of you. Roxas would get far. It hid Isa’s trembling.

“Hi, Isa.” Xion stepped up to him with a small wave and a smile too.

He tried to reply, honestly he did. But the words just caught in his throat. Sitting here he could finally  _ see _ Xion, actually look at who she was.

“I’m sorry.”

The words blurted out without control.

“I’m so sorry, Xion. Roxas.”

Before Axel came back with him, Roxas and Xion spoke to each other about any concerns they still felt. Their lives had been quite short up until now, and yet so much had happened. There was so much that needed to be fixed and confronted and some things would linger in their hearts and thoughts for a while. Talking to Axel’s friend would be interesting, but this was one step they both felt they needed to take. One to heal old wounds.

_ “Like, I don’t know why I feel this way, you know?” _

_ “I think we know why, Roxas.” _

_ “Yeah. I’m kinda glad in a way.” _

_ “Me too.” _

Listening to Isa, both children could feel those wounds start to heal.

“I know you listened to what I said to Lea back in the Keyblade Graveyard, so I won’t repeat them. Unless you want me to. They... were reasons. Not excuses.”

No one would ever be stupid enough to believe they were excuses for his behaviour, surely. Granted one in his situation would understand, but they weren’t something to be excused lightly.

“Xion, all I saw of you was pain and resentment of myself. And I took it out on you, even when I saw you show that you had your own personality. I treated you in a way no one should ever be treated. And I’m unendingly sorry.”

“I understand.” She said softly. “You were a puppet much like I was.”

“Not really.”

“To Xehanort. He used you. Made you into something you weren’t really. I can see some similarities.”

Isa had no response to that. How could this young girl that he tormented for so long say something like that with such confidence?

“Saïx wasn’t very nice. But that was you under his influence, right Isa?”

He nodded to her.

“Still not an excuse.”

“No. But it makes understanding your perspective easy for me. I’d like to talk more about it another time, if that’s okay? I’m kinda curious about what others saw in my original form.”

“Me too.”

Attention on Roxas now, standing there with his hands in his pockets, a confident yet casual stance.

“I can understand the hurt you felt seeing us with Axel, but there’s still a lot I don’t fully understand. I think. And I  _ would _ like to hear it from you,  _ to  _ understand. Part of me wants to tear you to pieces, never listen to another word from you and to never ever forgive you. But, it’s only a small part. Listening to my heart, that I know I definitely have, I want to forgive you? Maybe? I think it’s an influence from Sora. And… I gotta give it to him. He’s definitely a happier person in regards to his relationships with people.”

“I feel the same,” Xion added.

“So, if not now, I’d like to talk to you more some time. If you want.”

If he wants. They’re giving him a  _ choice. _ A  _ chance _ . A way out of this. It’s because he’s so visibly vulnerable, like a scared cornered animal. He was starting to feel overwhelmed like he’d feared.

“Roxas… If you are willing to listen to me, I will comply. I’m sorry for my ways, for how I mistreated you. You were a child,  _ are _ a child. Both of you. It was bad enough we suffered as children, it didn’t mean you two had to go through the same suffering we did.”

He took a deep, steadying breath. It wasn’t really very steadying.

“I can understand if you choose to never forgive me. I surely wouldn’t want to. But, moving on at least. I could live with that. But it’s not about what I want.”

“Isa, a conversation is an exchange. You deserve some peace, too.” Interjected Lea. “You know I’ve done some shitty stuff to them too. Some of it a little unforgivable too. But we’ve accepted the past and moved on from it. You should be able to too.”

“He’s right.”

“Yeah.”

Listening to the three of them reassure him, the man who caused them so much pain, he could feel his shaky composure shatter.

“It’s not going to be instant, but I would like a new start.” said Xion. “Lea told us so much about you. You’re not the man we knew in the Organisation. He sent us messages while he was with you, too. About how you chose to isolate yourself for our sakes. And how miserable you were.” She knelt down to his level, looking at his glossy eyes as he kept his gaze averted from hers. “You need to heal just as much as we do.”

Hearing those words, looking at those bright young eyes, he couldn’t keep it together anymore. A shaky inhale and tears running loose, he broke. Again. Why did he strive to have a heart again? All he did these days was cry and suffer misery. Granted it was self inflicted, but he would rather not have a heart or just not have anything at all.

“Hey.”

He felt a should bump his, Lea leaning into his vision with that damn soft smile of his. Isa couldn’t help his reaction, leaning over to rest his weight against Lea, letting these emotions overcome him in front of the children. He brought a hand up to his face, wiping tears and trying to stifle any sounds. A warm arm wrapped around his shoulder, rubbing his arm reassuringly. Then another. And another. Two pairs of arms surrounded him.

It was overwhelming. Being so touch starved for such an incredibly long time, being so cold and isolated and alone… to be welcomed with open arms and embraced like this was too much for him. He gripped Lea’s arm tightly, afraid to let go as his heart swelled with so many emotions. Seeing the two young teens he was afraid to confront comfort him so easily, it was more than he could handle.

“You know, you and Axel aren’t so different,” you could hear the slightly wet laugh and sniffle when Roxas spoke. “He did the exact same thing when we were reunited.”

“So did we, Roxas.” Xion laughed.

“I think we’re all allowed to be a bit of a mess considering our circumstances,” Lea sniffled. “Right now, I think we need to treat ourselves to icing on the cake.”

“Always thinking about ice cream, Axel.”

A mumble from within their embrace.

“What was that?”

“Don’t listen to him, he’s just a bit loopy from emotions.”

“He always solved problems with ice cream,” repeated Isa.

“And? It works every time! Didn’t hear any one of you complaining whenever I did it.”

Sitting on the clock tower eating ice cream… Isa knew the trio did it often, almost everyday during that final year in the organisation. The view was nice, he’d admit that. But as lovely as it was, he stayed off the ledge, back against the wall as he savoured the cool sweet treat. The other three sat that same, staying off the ledge in solidarity with him.

When they reached the top, the two teens immediately took their places on the ledge, legs swinging out in the open air. Lea stood on the edge too, waiting for Isa to join them. But it took one look at his friend’s fearful expression to realise that maybe this isn’t the best of ideas. So, they took their seats away from the ledge, legs stretched out across the bricks.

“You okay?” Lea leaned closer to Isa, murmuring while the other two continued their conversation.

“I think so.”

“Yeah?”

“It’s a bit much. A lot.”

“They can be.”

“They’re good kids.”

“They are.”

“Thank you. I think I needed this. And the ice cream too.”

Lea laughed.

“Maybe one day I’ll be able to leave my reclusive home. Is there countryside here?”

“Yeah,” Lea pointed out past the town, toward a green slightly mountainous range. “Out there. It’s quite peaceful. There’s a beach, too. And a beautiful large lake. I know most of the produce you can get here is grown just outside of town. The bistro uses only local ingredients. Hey, remember old McDuck back home who sold these?” He held up his remaining sea salt ice cream. “He owns the bistro here! Has a really good chef apparently. Cooked with Sora, too.”

Isa sat and listened as Lea rambled on about Twilight Town life. The peace and serenity, the not so bustling street life, but not totally quiet. The different parts of town accessible by the trains and trams.

Could he do it? Leave the house with the little garden? Leave Radiant Garden?

“Lea.”

“And there’s this- yeah?”

“I don’t think I can leave Radiant Garden… just yet. I’m not ready.”

“Of course. I wasn’t expecting you to.”

“I don’t know how long it’ll be before I can.”

“That’s okay.”

“Would you really wait? That long?”

“I’ve waited a good part of ten years already, Isa. At least this time I can wait with you.”

“Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you and goodnight.


	3. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some early morning bedtime confessions between Isa and Lea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you guys know Isa Saix Kingdom Hearts is gay??
> 
> (the short story slaughtered me)

“What did you mean?”

“Hm?”

“‘You lost all sense of purpose.’ What did you mean by that?”

Isa had contemplated getting up for a morning stroll but Lea managed to convince him to stay in bed and just… rest. It was very pleasant, he won’t lie. It was warm and cosy and very calming, being there with Lea. Not doing anything. Just… resting. Finally.

“There’s… a lot. In a way.”

“Take your time.”

Isa shifted onto his side to look Lea in the eyes as he spoke. He thought about something that had crossed his mind recently on his last visit to Twilight Town. Having a heart as an adult is… something.

He took a deep calming breath.

“We were kids when he lost our hearts. We lost our hearts, our home, our families. Everything. All we had was each other. And that girl. Our endless mission to find that mystery girl.”

Lea had his head turned to look at Isa, lying on his back with his hands resting on his chest, feeling his own heart beat. But he moved to mirror Isa, knowing this was probably going to get deep into Isa’s emotions. He’d been slowly convincing Isa to open up, and was having some considerable success.

“We never did, huh?”

“No. I kept trying. Or at least I thought I was. I wasn’t getting anywhere with it, really. What was haunting me more all that time wasn’t just not being able to find her. She ended up becoming part of my list of tasks for every day. Allocate missions, analyse reports, record any further information on her whereabouts,” he murmured. His gaze had shifted from Lea, becoming slightly unfocused on some undetermined point behind him.

“What was it?” Lea asked softly.

Isa’s eyes refocused and met his.

_ Inhale. _

“You.”

_ Exhale. _

“Me?”

“You were the only constant I still had. All that time in the organisation, you were the only thing I still had. The realisation of being lied to and that those echoes of feelings were more real that we were made to believe hit too late, but I know that now.”

Lea shifted, looking slightly puzzled with a small frown. Isa looked at the small wrinkles from his furrowed brows, the minute movement in his scrunched nose, the freckles dusting his skin.

“I mean, yeah you were stuck with me. But I don’t get how-”

“You were my purpose.”

Confusion was very rapidly replaced with surprise. Squinting eyes blown wide open, pursed lips left slightly parted and speechless. 

“I…”

“All I’ve ever wanted was to be by your side. And… having to play that stupid ‘Second in Command’ and ‘emotionless bastard’ role took it’s toll on me. I changed, you changed… We both changed and we didn’t recognise ourselves anymore. But me, I pushed you away and you made new friends. I wasn’t part of the picture anymore. To me, my purpose was with you, and I lost it.”

“Isa.” Lea sat up, trying to take in what he was hearing and make sense of it. “Why didn't you just  _ talk _ to me? I mean, you always say I must’ve still had some part of my heart, so why didn’t you just come and talk to me about this?”

“Lea, we had the emotional maturity of sixteen year olds.”

“... that’s true.”

“Do you know what happens to those who lose their true purpose? Inevitably, they destroy themselves.”

“Huh?”

“When you were running from the organisation, not long after Sora woke up after Castle Oblivion,” Isa sat up and leaned against the headboard, gazing at his hands in his lap, “We remaining few paid him a visit. In Hollow Bastion. They’d started rebuilding there. We returned to Where Nothing Gathers and discussed. And I said, ‘those who lose their true purpose will inevitably destroy themselves’. It’s true.”

“What do you mean, Isa?” He could hear the slight dread in Lea’s question. “Isa, what did you do?”

_ Deep breath. _

_ In… and out. _

_ In. And out. _

“I gave up." He sighed. "I gave in to Xehanort, and became his vessel. Didn’t realise I was fighting it so hard until I realised I lost you. Well,  _ thought _ I’d lost you. You ran off to save your new friends and left me behind. I thought that was it. That my last connection to home was truly gone.”

“Isa…”

“And then you died,” he sighed again, a little deeper. “You went out in a blaze of glory, of course. And we thought that was the end. When we die, that’s it. No afterlife, no heart, no nothing. Turns out we were wrong, huh.”

It felt like a million pins stabbing into Lea’s heart, hearing Isa admit to giving up his own existence because he thought Lea had abandoned him. He could feel tears prickling at the edges of his eyes, threatening to spill over if he weren’t careful.

He wasn’t careful.

“I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be. We both screwed up, Lea.” Isa reached out with a small smile, gently wiping at the tears that trailed down Lea’s face. “Crybaby.”

“Is that why you were taken a second time?”

“Probably. Like I said when you found me; it was my fate to be his vessel. It wasn’t until I completely gave in that it really sunk in. I had all the pieces, except for a piece of him. That despair I felt really did a number on me, if I’m being honest. I really did think you were still gone until I lashed out and my hood fell. There you were. My purpose.”

“Fuck...” Isa couldn’t help the swell in his heart as he watched Lea try and avoid crying more. You know; when someone looks up and tries to blink their tears back in?

“Granted I have now realised that’s not a good thing, and should make more friends.”

“Yeah, you really do,” Lea huffed a small laugh. “Is that why you’ve been visiting Twilight Town more often?”

“No, definitely not.”

“They’re too loud for you, I know. Any luck on finding somewhere in the outskirts?”

“Still looking. I forgot how loud places are. The castle was always so quiet.”

“Mhm.”

“I will say, I do enjoy being able to watch the sunset with you. And eat sea salt ice cream again.” Watching Lea on the clock tower became something Isa treasured deeply. Watching him smile in the glow of that setting sun…

"My purpose," Lea looked at Isa fondly.

"Huh?"

"When I woke up in the lab, back to being myself again. I found my purpose."

"To save your friends."

"Well, in a way, yes."

"What do you mean 'in a way'?"

"Isa, I woke up where we basically died, and you weren't there. My first response was to look for you. I searched everywhere there and couldn't find you. So I went to someone who could help me find a way to find and possibly save you, if need be."

"Who?"

"The Mouse king. I knew he'd take me somewhere to get what I wanted, and he did. A wizard called Yen Sid. Former keyblade master, apparently. Told him I needed a keyblade to save you, so I started learning."

Him?

"But, I thought it was to get Roxas back?"

"Look, I accepted that probably wouldn't happen. At least not that way and for a long time. Right then, all I was concerned with was finding you and bringing you home with me."

"Oh."

"Kinda pissed I couldn't summon it when I stopped in to save Sora, though. Was gonna show off and, like, watch the looks on their faces. ‘Suck it, you crusty old bastard! I have a keyblade now!’ Maybe even win you back with it.”

“Lea.”

“Come on, I was desperate!” Lea kept talking but to Isa, it wasn’t anything he needed to hear. Don’t wait, act. It’s what Axel would say. So he didn’t. He gently but firmly grabbed Lea’s face, bringing him closer to his and kissing him with so much ferocity. The gasp he heard from Lea said that he definitely didn’t expect it. Nor how long it would last. Or how intense Isa would keep it.

It wasn’t until he needed to breathe they stopped. And he just stared in shock.

“Ummm…”

“My keyblade hero.” Isa’s fingers lingered on Lea’s face, taking in his expression of surprise with amusement.

“I uh… what?”

“Thank you, Lea. For helping me. For everything.”

“Yeah uh. You’re welcome?”

Isa just laughed, deciding they can maybe lie in a bit longer and dragging Lea down beside him. Warm strong arms around each other, hearts beating proudly.

“I think I’m starting to get some direction in my life now, Lea. Knowing I need to open my heart more. Connect. Accept and allow all these emotions to flow. Cry.” Isa’s gaze went to Lea’s. “Appreciate the beautiful things in life.” A finger softly brushing over freckles.

“Good,” Lea sighed. “Been waiting for that. So you would stop shushing me whenever I admire you.”

“I’m still going to shush you.”

He laughed. Lea’s laugh…

It’s worth having a heart again just for that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now you know Isa Saix Kingdom Hearts is gay.


	4. What We Make (Of Ourselves)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A trip to the local markets and a bit of awakening (where Lea and Isa start to realise where they are in life)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, I'm a sucker for dads LeaIsa  
> But let's be real. That isn't happening in canonverse.

“Make sure they’re not ripe yet. I want to let them sit for a while before I use them.”

“Yeah sure. How many were you after?”

The country/beach markets in the outskirts of Twilight Town became a frequent outing for Isa and Lea, with all the good produce and unique crafts available at the stalls. You could get nice and delicious fruits and vegetables grown by the locals, treats cooked and baked in their homes, beautiful artworks and lovingly sewn robes crafted with care…

“Well I’ll make a few for you and the kids, so probably five.”

When Isa first moved worlds and into his new house in the outskirts, he felt rather nervous and unsure what to do. It wasn’t the bustling main town centre like he was used to back home, but it felt too different to that house in Radiant Garden he hid away in. It was only on an evening walk a couple days after moving he saw the flyer about the market. Intrigued, he visited bright and early the next day, sampling the local offerings they handed him.

“You’re new here? Can’t say I recognise you,” said one particularly short stall keeper, offering a sweet of some form for sampling.

“No, I just moved here. Are these markets special or…”

“Well, they’re special in that no other market is quite like ours!” they laughed. “But no, they happen here every week. No one could decide where to have the market so we all decided this spot is perfect! The Twilight Town Country/Beach Market! Go on, have a taste!”

Isa found plenty of things on that first trip and decided to visit again the following week. On that second visit he took Lea, ignoring the early morning protests. Then they visited a third week, then a fourth, a fifth, and so on.

“Scrooge must have expanded trade routes; they have paopu fruit here now,” Isa pointed out the recognisable star-shaped fruit at a stall nearby, recalling the beach party Lea had dragged him too a while ago. 

“Oh cool. I’d say let’s get some but-”

“We can get them even better and much cheaper.”

“Exactly.”

“Would be nice to make some paopu juice though.”

“Lea! Isa!” two voices rang through the small crowd, stopping the men in their tracks. “Hey, can you come help us buy stuff?”

“Buy stuff? What are you-”

“We have the munny, but the lady said we need you there?” said Xion. “There’s some nice jewellery and Roxas was saying he wanted to get another piercing and wanted to buy one of the earrings, but she said to ask our parents and pointed at you?”

“Why do we need to ask you, Lea? We don’t have parents.” Roxas seemed tied between confused and flustered.

“Alright, uh… Tell her I’ll be over in a moment.” Lea waved, sending them back to the stall to wait for him. “Shit.”

“I’m assuming documentation was set up for them, yes? Independant teens? Or is it different here compared to home?” Isa asked.

“Uh, slightly different.” Lea could help the nervous habit, scratching the back of his head in thought of the situation. “I’m…”

“Their dad?” Isa smirked. “My condolences.”

“PLEASE don’t say that! I am not old enough  _ or _ responsible enough to be considered a dad! I’m more of a big brother if anything,” giving Isa a playful shove. “Making me feel old saying that. On paper I am technically their guardian, though. They do what they want but for legal reasons I’m their guardian.”

They slowly wandered over to the booth, Isa watching and observing his close friend. It really started to dawn on him how much he’d grown, compared to that gangly teenager he used to cause havoc with back in the day. Lea may not say it or even realise it, but he  _ had _ become very responsible. He’s changed so much.

“It’s a good look on you,” he said quietly. “They’ve really helped you. Maybe being a big brother figure to them has done you some good.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. You’re not the stone-cold assassin you were a few years ago, that’s for sure.” Before Lea could respond with more than a surprised look, Isa started talking to the lady at the stall, requesting the information she wanted to let Roxas buy the jewellery. “Yes, he’s quite responsible. Lea?”

“Oh, uh, yeah. Yeah, he’s cool. He mentioned wanting another piercing the other day, that’s fine by me.”

“Lovely, thank you dears. You’re both such good parents, these kids are so polite.”

“Oh, I’m not-” Before Isa could correct her, she smiled and went back to Roxas and Xion. “I’m not their guardian.”

“Does she think we’re their parents?”

“I think so.”

“Sweet! I can’t wait to wear this. Thanks Isa! Thanks Lea!” Not even realising the oncoming crisis, Roxas and Xion ran off to explore more of the market, leaving the two adults questioning.

* * *

The teens had long since ditched them to hang out with their friends, leaving Lea and Isa to wander home with their thoughts.

“I still can’t believe someone thought we were their parents.” said Lea around a mouthful of pastry.

“It is a little startling, yes. But you  _ are _ their legal guardian, as you said. So they weren’t far off, really.”

“Well…” They paused in front of Isa’s door, the flowers surrounding them and ready to hear the rest of Lea’s thought. Isa knew they listened. When he planted them he spoke his troubles away and saw calm in the breeze that blew through the garden bed as they nodded to him.

“Well what?” he nudged.

“Well I figured, it might be good to put you down as a guardian too? I mean, I sometimes go off world to fight and if something happens, they need someone in the paperwork to help them. You know?”

“Oh. Uh… no. No that’s not a good idea.” Fumbling his keys in his hand, Isa turned away immediately, hoping to open the door and end the conversation then and there. He most certainly was not a good candidate for guardianship, especially for those two.

“Oh come on, Isa. It’s a great idea! You don’t have to live with them, it’s just formalities. Heck, I don’t live with them all the time.”

“Yes, but they like it when you stay with them  _ and _ they like having you as their guardian, formalities or not. You’re practically their big brother, remember? I’m not. Now are you going to help me pack the shopping away or just stand there and come up with more bad ideas?”

A ridiculous thought indeed.

Lea watched as Isa busied himself packing things away, refusing to even look near his vicinity. Not quite the reaction he expected. Maybe a no, sure, but the near lash out he wasn’t prepared for. He tried stepping closer to see if it got Isa’s attention.

Nothing.

“Hey,” he quickly held Isa’s wrist as it reached by, stopping him in his tracks. Isa still wouldn’t look at him, gaze fixed on the fruit bowl on the counter in front of him. “A simple ‘no’ I get. But I don’t get this ‘ridiculous idea’ you seem to believe it is. Why is it ridiculous? I’m just trying to think ahead. Thought that was pretty smart, actually.”

“Smart would be asking one of their friend’s parents to care for them if something happened. Not the person who spent their one year alive in a depressing cult dishing out endless dangerous tasks and emotional torment.”

“I thought we got past that, Isa.”

“You have, maybe.”

“You’ve spoken with the kids how many times? You know they’re past it too. So come on, what is it?” Softly, Lea tugged Isa to look at him. He could see the bit of guilt sitting in his eyes, trying to coax his sorrows out into the open. “Talk to me.”

“Maybe I’m just not ready?” he sighed. “I’m still adjusting to everything, Lea. Life outside the Organisation, moving from home, this,” he motioned between the two of them. “It’s all new to me and…” he stalled, thinking how to say the thoughts that have been haunting a lifetime. “Growing up the way we did, I don’t know how to cope with these things as I probably should. It’s quite a bit harder for me. You’ve adjusted well. I know you have your insomnia, and I know you have other issues that you haven’t told me yet- don’t roll your eyes at me! I’m not going to push you on those, but I know they’re there.”

“Well believe it or not, you  _ have _ adjusted well. Okay? So we don’t make you their guardian yet. That’s fine.”

“Lea-”

“Isa, I would really be happy knowing they’ve got someone to rely on here. One of my biggest worries going out into the worlds is leaving them without someone to rely on. You might not think so yet, so we’ll just wait.”

They stood in silence watching each other, almost challenging one another to say something else on the matter.

“Look,” Lea continued. “We’re not dad material. I’m sure the whole emotionless cult for 10 years since we were kids would have a bad effect there, to be honest. And Roxas and Xion, they’re teenagers. Same age as we were when we died. We’re not old enough to be ‘parents’. But like I said; I’m like a big brother to them. And you,” he gently pulled Isa closer, bringing his hands up his arms to rest on his face. Lea’s hands felt warm and comforting, the soft stroking of his thumbs brushing lightly at the ends of the scar branded on him for all to see. “Maybe not a father-figure, or a big brother. But you’re someone who they look to already, someone whose guidance they can trust.”

Trust. Guidance. Not words Isa thought would ever be used to describe himself, let alone from them. His own hands lift and rest on Lea’s, his gaze shifting away from his companion’s sharp green eyes.

“I’m not ready,” he murmured. “I know what you’re saying, and the fact you truly do hold so much trust in me to care for them should something happen to you. But… I still need to adjust. Still need to get to know them again. They still need to get to know  _ me _ . So perhaps down the line, I may consider it. But as of right now, all I ask is that you let me settle first. Find my footing and where I sit in all this. You’ve all got this perfect spot for me in your little hodge podge unit, and I appreciate it. But maybe I don’t feel comfortable in it. Certainly not right now.”

Both men dropped their hands, but still held on and not daring to let the other go. Lea looked crestfallen, as expected, but understanding.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah. Okay. I hear you, Isa.” A small smile spread on Lea’s face. Accepting. Caring. “Sorry for pushing that onto you.”

“It’s okay, Lea. I understand why. You’re very caring, just wanting to look after us even when you can’t yourself.”

“Call it a habit,” Lea chuckled.

“A habit, indeed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah idk i forgot i wrote this and just wanted to post it so here you go

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to @glowingsaix for sending me sad songs whilst writing this and inspired the title
> 
> 'Leaving My Love Behind' - Lewis Capaldi
> 
> Also! Happy 1 year anniversary Kingdom Hearts 3!


End file.
